Teaching Children Self-Control
A friend of mine sent me this article about the importance of teaching children self-control and how it learning it (or not learning it) affects them in even into adulthood.
AROUND 1970, psychologist Walter Mischel launched a classic experiment. He left a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. If they rang the bell, he would come back and they could eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn’t ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, they could then have two marshmallows.
In videos of the experiment, you can see the children squirming, kicking, hiding their eyes — desperately trying to exercise self-control so they can wait and get two marshmallows. Their performance varied widely. Some broke down and rang the bell within a minute. Others lasted 15 minutes.
The children who waited longer went on to get higher SAT scores. They got into better colleges and had, on average, better adult outcomes. The children who rang the bell quickest were more likely to become bullies. They received worse teacher and parental evaluations 10 years later and were more likely to have drug problems at age 32.
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Young people who can delay gratification can sit through sometimes boring classes to get a degree. They can perform rote tasks in order to, say, master a language. They can avoid drugs and alcohol. For people without self-control skills, however, school is a series of failed ordeals. No wonder they drop out. Life is a parade of foolish decisions: teenage pregnancy, drug use, gambling, truancy and crime.
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The ability to delay gratification, like most skills, correlates with socioeconomic status and parenting styles. Children from poorer homes do much worse on delayed gratification tests than children from middle-class homes. That’s probably because children from poorer homes are more likely to have their lives disrupted by marital breakdown, violence, moving, etc. They think in the short term because there is no predictable long term
This reminds me of a childhood friend of mine that just did not know when to stop. If we were playing a prank or joking, the rest of us could get a good laugh and move on. But this particular guy would often take it way too far. Later, as an adult, he did indeed become a binge drinker and a drug abuser.
Link: Self-control is the key to success
Link: Children’s Behavior As Early As Age 3 Can Predict Adolescent Alcohol And Drug Use
Link: About Discipline—Helping Children Develop Self-Control
Filed under: Children's Issues
This is a great post. I’m very impressed. The issue could not be of more importance for our community, who often have no self control. One can see this in their children
reminds of a verse from the Quran and an quote:
Allah ta`ala said to His Prophet sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, “Therefore be patient; surely the promise of Allah is true, and let not those who have no certainty hold you in light estimation.” (Surat al-Rum:60)
“Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration.”
Thomas A. Edison
Great post. This is something that I was not aware of. I have a troubled child at the age of 12 that likes to control. The worst thing is, she has sibblings as well that want to be close to her but are afraid due to her temper.