In the aftermath of the Aqsa Parvez murder, we have the possibility that a Muslim father murdered his two daughters.
I have been appalled lately at the hatred, rage and irrationality I have seen personally - although what I have seen has not resulted in murder (yet). Murders like this are very rare, against Islam and every rational person condemns it no matter how much the bigots scream that we condone such madness.
But what about in cases where there is no murder or no one gets physically harmed? What about the environment that we create that makes a person feel that they can not repent and that they are doomed to Hell? An environment that is created where one has to live a double life of some sort and put on a facade. Then when that facade comes off, the person is made to feel so humiliated that they fall into despair - especially when they are basically “excommunicated”. Others will feel that they just can not measure up to these holy people.
This is why I think that we need to emphasize concepts such as understanding, kindness, forgiveness, and compassion rather than fire breathing hatred. Even though there are very rarely murders, there is still an environment created that gives us the impression that if a person commits a sin, then there is no forgiveness. We have to hold it over their heads forever.
In other words, can we condemn sin while having compassion and understanding for a person who commits a sin and try to help them out of it rather than finger pointing, shouting the person down and dehumanizing them by calling them names? What happened to the concept of redeeming oneself? Do we have to define ourselves as being in such perfect piety (and others being the complete opposite) that when we are found to not be in perfect piety that we fly off the handle?
There have been people that seek to mend their lives, but end up being blasted, called names, having their sins decried in public, stripped of their honor and cast out of the community and left with no friends. They are left alone and in tears and thinking there is no way out. They are not told about love or forgiveness. This is why at the most extreme levels, there is “honor” killing. So humiliated that there is no other way out except to kill the person. There is no redemption for the person. A false and un-Islamic culture.
Before some of you start to fire off the emails accusing me of condoning evil - once again - I am not saying that we should condone sin or take it lightly. We can treat someone with respect and kindness without approving of sin. We can help them to move away from the sin without being judgmental.
Filed under: The Culture of Denial and Pretense | Tagged: Compassion, Kindness, Love, Muslims
Asalaamu alaikum.
Thank you for tackling this. There is a Christian quote that comes to mind when I think about this issue: Hate the sin but love the sinner. None of us is without our vices or slipping into the haram at times. Compassion is sorely lacking in some of us. We can be compassionate and supportive to a person without condoning their bad behavior. There is a better chance that by being with those who are at a higher state of iman and deen that this will help us to improve in our levels, but if pushed away from good role models and support, where else can we go? So we should extend that friendship to those in need.
Bukhari narrates from Umar that a man who was known to sit with the Messenger and make him laugh was found guilty of drinking alcohol and was brought to be flogged. He was then found guilty on another occasion and flogged. This time a person said “May God curse him! How many times is this man going to be brought here!”
At that the Messenger said “Do not curse him. I swear to God that all I know about him is that he loves God and his Messenger.”
Recent family events have caused us to think about these issues. I guess the main question needs to be if the person is sorry about what they have done, reepnted, and are trying to live life decently.
No one is perfect, and we must keep that in mind. What is harder is dealing with those who know they are doing wrong, but just dont care and have no intention of changing their ways.
So much it seems to me that Muslims are all about hell fire and brimstone. Its like some brothers I have known for years and never seen them smile once, as if being stern, strict, with no sense of humour is a pillar of Islam.
Where is the compassion? It’s with your Lord!
“Verily, My Mercy outstrips my Wrath.” [Bukhari and Muslim]
You said:
there is still an environment created that gives us the impression that if a person commits a sin, then there is no forgiveness. We have to hold it over their heads forever.
It is a trap set by the Shaytaan, who flows through the son of Adam like blood flows, to make you doomed and to confuse you about your religion.
I have no idea what environment you hold responsible for this. This is about people knowing their deen. How can a Muslim be a Muslim without realising that we worship Allah with fear and hope? This should be made very clear to both the non-practicing Muslims and the non-Muslims. Muslims should never hold this pesstimistic attitude, we are optimist. Allah has blessed us with the straight and upright path of Islam, which is essentially balanced and moderate in its outlook. We should have fear in Allah’s punishment and hope in His Rewards. Both the Qur’an and the Ahadeeth tell us:
“On the other hand for those who fear their Rabb are gardens with rivers flowing beneath therein are they to dwell (for ever) a gift from the presence of Allah and that which is in the presence of Allah is the best (bliss) for the righteous.” (3:198)
“O you who believe! If you fear Allah, He will grant you a criterion (to judge between right and wrong) remove from you (all) evil (that may afflict) you and forgive you: for Allah is the Rabb of grace unbounded.” (8:29)
“As for those who fear their Rabb Unseen, for them is Forgiveness and a great Reward.” (67:12)
Abu Hurairah (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that Allah’s Messenger(sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Do you know the things which most commonly bring people into Paradise? They are fear of Allah and good character. Do you know what most commonly bring people into Hell? They are the two hollow things: the mouth and the private parts.” (Tirmidhi 4832 and Ibn Majah)
Abu Said (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that the Prophet (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) mentioned a man from the previous generation or from the people proceeding your age whom Allah had given both wealth and children. The Prophet (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “When the time of his death approached, he asked his children, ‘What type of father have I been to you?’ They replied: ‘You have been a good father.’ He said, ‘But he (i.e. your father) has not stored any good deeds with Allah (for the Hereafter): if he should face Allah, Allah will punish him. So listen, (O my children), when I die, burn my body till I become mere coal and then grind it into powder, and when there is a stormy wind, throw me (my ashes) in it.’ So he took a firm promise from his children (to follow his instructions). And by Allah they (his sons) did accordingly (fulfilled their promise). Then Allah said, ‘Be!’ and behold! That man was standing there! Allah then said, ‘O my slave! What made you do what you did?’ That man said, ‘Fear of You.’ So Allah forgave him.” (Bukhari 8/488)
The Muslim puts his trust in Allah when facing the tests of this world. We don’t go around blaming other Muslims for not sugar coating the deen for us.
Honor Killings are done out of stupidity, ignorance, and a lack of understanding. They have nothing to do with Islam no matter how twisted a person may try and justify it. If you sin, you should repent. Do not despair the Mercy of Allah and do not blame others if they only remind you of the fire and to fear Allah! It does not matter how hars or fire and brimston they are with you. YOU are responsible for your actions NOT them! Despair of Allah’s Mercy is a sign of ignorance and being astray, because this suggests a lack in Allah’s most perfect Generosity and this is in contradiction with a belief in pure, Islamic monotheism.
On the Day of Judgement, we will be raised naked and uncircumcised. We will not be questioned on the perceived ‘environment’ that others created to make us feel hopeless. However, we may be questioned on why we remained ignorant of our deen and were able to accept such a notion.
I can see where you are angry about senseless murders, that give Islam a bad rap and even harsh treatment from other muslims that may make one feel alianated. However, I can’t believe that you are drawing a correlation between Muslims who may be a bit hardcore and honor killings or a person feeling abandoned by other Muslims. You Said:
This is why I think that we need to emphasize concepts such as understanding, kindness, forgiveness, and compassion rather than fire breathing hatred.
I don’t see any need to emphasize one area from another UNLESS this is the way that the Prophet, salla allahu alayhi wa salaam, did dawah. Christians and Sufis already do this. It seems pretty clear to me that a Muslim should know that it is not Islam that, “…makes a person feel that they can not repent and that they are doomed to Hell? An environment that is created where one has to live a double life of some sort and put on a facade”, since Allah says: “Do not fear them but fear Me if you are believers.” [Sûrah Âl `Imrân: 175]
” And who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?” (Qur’an15:56)
[...] a bunch of tribal ignorance that we just don’t need over here. Tariq Nelson has an excellent take on it here when he asks where is the compassion. There is nothing wrong with showing a little compassion and [...]
may i ask what is wrong with emphasizing kindness and compassion rather than harshness and boycotting?
[...] in Islam and this is horrific crime that absolutely needs to end. There is a place for compassion and understanding in Islam and these practices are cultural ignorance. Posted in Muslim [...]
Tariq - intriguing as always. I think one item that is missing from some of these discussions is this whole thing called Modernity, if you will, and that to a great extent, Muslims have been woefully naive to think that they/we/I can escape the nature, setting, environment or reality in which we all permeate and live in. What makes and/or allows people to commit such heinous acts these days? Sense acts of violence. The desire for individuals to lash out at large numbers of people. Muslims live in this world and many of us are reacting with a “what the hell?” attitude. The problem is as thick as History and will require some serious soul searching, honesty and divine intervention to remedy.
Thanks for the post,
[...] There is no place for an “honor” killing in our beautiful way of life [...]
Jamerson, the problem as I see it is that Tariq is talking about apples and oranges. The Muslims who we view as harsh in their dawah are not to be confused with the likes of idiots who believe in honor killings. However, emphasizing one aspect of the deen over another is not the solution. Sure, remind the people of the proper way to give dawah. However, let’s not forget that the first call is to tawheed and if tawheed is taught correctly then all of the, “understanding, kindness, forgiveness, and compassion”, that Tariq feels should be emphasized will be included in this - in it’s proper methodology - because these are attributes of Allah. Again knowledge is the key.
“Say (O Muhammad): ‘This is my way; I invite unto Allaah (i.e. to the Oneness of Allaah - Islamic Monotheism) with sure knowledge, I and whosoever follows me (also must invite others to Allaah, i.e. to the Oneness of Allaah - Islamic Monotheism with sure knowledge). And Glorified and Exalted be Allaah (above all that they associate as partners with Him). And I am not of the Mushrikoon (polytheists, pagans, idolaters and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah; those who worship others along with Allaah or set up rivals or partners to Allaah)’” [Yoosuf 12:108 ]
It is ignorance that makes one go from one extreme to another. It all boils down to following the Quran and Sunnah:
“Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example to follow for whoever hopes in Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much.”Qur’an 33:21
From this we learn how we are to treat others,
“Let them forgive and overlook: do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”Qur’an 24:22)
Muslims with proper knowledge of Islam know, “He who does not show mercy to others, will not be shown mercy.” So when others are being unnecessarily harsh they know that this is not from the correct methodology, because Allah says,
“By the grace of Allah, you are gentle towards the people; if you had been harsh and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you.”Qur’an 3:159
and
“Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided” [al-Nahl 16:125 ]
[...] allegedly killed by their Egyptian father and there is speculation that he may have killed them because he was angry over the way they dressed and their interactions with non-Muslim boys. For now this is just [...]
i believe that we can condemn them without dehumanizing them. a sin is a sin and two sins don’t make something right.
salaam
i believe that we can condemn them without dehumanizing them. a sin is a sin and two sins don’t make something right.
salaam
We condemn actions, not people.
When Abdullah, the son of Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal (RH) asked if it was okay to curse Yazid bin Mu’awiyah bin Abi Sufyan because of his mass transgressions and oppression, Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal told him no.
We don’t love the sin that people perform, but we pray for them to be guided and for ALLAH to have mercy upon them.
Prophet (SAAS) said, “Whoever doesn’t show mercy, will not receive mercy.”
Some of us on here are acting as if we don’t commit sins everyday!
*NEWSFLASH* - We are all committing sins everyday.
This is the same tribal ignorance which takes place in america by muslims who are black who hold lectures for the black americans titled the black muslim american in america and frown on black muslim men marrying women of other racial backgrounds….and the same tribal ignorance found when palestinians strap bombs on themselves for the sake of their country…..all of it is jahileeyah……….The Prophet said: Whoever comes with the calls of jahileeyah…Then let him bite the head of his fathers penis.(bukhari)
PLEASE DONT CALL THESE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS MUSLIMS. Unfortunately they were born to a stupid/uneducated American mother and an overaring/controlling Egyptian father. It is heartbreaking to see the sexual abuse and beatings these two girls went throught, but they had enough self fortitude to make good grades. But then when you look at the full picture, they were not allowed to do anything else, just work, go to school and be disrespected when they came home. From what I read and see on tv they made a difference between the boy and girls, he acts just like his daddy.. Read where he too would spy on them to make sure they were on the job. BET HE DOESN’t WORK. They worked so hard at wanting to be Americans. Not to mention these girls were adults and not allowed to date, but that idiot married a 15 yr. old.
Just imagine just how civil this world could be if there were some compassionate people to run it. It was evident that Parvez lacked this quality from his life. It seemed that Parvez defined the ultimate sin in their hijabs, than in their actions.If I were Muslim I would prefer for my daughters to be in their hijabs but if they didn’t wear it,I wouldn’t make them feel lower than dirt or in Parvez’s case, kill them.
I think about how I would pass by some of the uniformed students that came from Catholic school where the guys talked of the trains they ran on the girls
reading playboy books or being rowdy in school. They were properly clothed and were receiving a Christian education, yet their actions suggested otherwise . While the hijab is an important factor of being a Muslim, in a world where today’s teens are exposed to drugs, alcohol and illicit sex, their inner well-being would have been more important.. While Parvez killed his daughters over their “sins” of their hijabs,, he forgot his ultimate sin of committing murder.